"eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Ephesians 4:3

Am I eager for this Lord?  Sometimes it seems as though I actually like conflict.  It seems easier in the moment.  Then when the conflict gets too hard I want peace again.  I want it all to be easy.  Forgive me Lord for not striving harder.  Forgive me for putting my own desires for an easy life over your desires for my relationships - your desires for unity and peace among the whole body of Christ.  Help me Lord to be a peace-seeker.  I want to be more loving on a daily basis with all whom I interact.  I want to be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit.

After a long, beautiful, love-filled summer (more on that in the days to come) we're back in Mexico City to begin another school year.

another year where I get to stay home with our two amazing little boys

another year of trying to keep up enough energy for two rambunctious little boys

another year of precious cuddles and wide-mouthed baby kisses

another year of eating soggy cereal while trying to keep everyone else fed, happy, and at the table

another year of watching sweet little faces light up at the excitement of new experiences and realizations

another year of rarely getting to go to the bathroom by myself

another year of enjoying life together as a family of four

another year of loneliness in a culture I can't quite call my own

another year of growing to love the color, vibrancy, flavor, and history that is Mexico City

another year of learning, stretching, and changing

Another year of trusting that this is where God is using me right now, in this moment.

President Obama spoke at the Museo Nacional de Antropologia (National Anthropology Museum) in Mexico City yesterday.  As teachers, my husband and brother-in-law both served as chaperones on a student trip to the event.  The night before the speech my husband spoke to me about some of the excitement building among the American teachers going to the event.  He spoke of their desire to hear Obama speak in person and feel the energy in the room.

A quick time out before I go any further…

This blog post will not be politically charged in any way.  I have no intention, at this time, of using this blog to espouse any sort of political agenda, or even discuss my personal opinions on politics.  So go ahead and put down your pitch forks or rally signs.

In fact, here is the most politically charged statement I plan to make: I believe that Christians are called to pray for and respect the government leaders who are in power in the belief that 1) they are among our neighbors and our words and actions towards them should reflect this and 2) God is control of all things.  Consider:

“’Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’

Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’”

Matthew 22:36-40, NIV

“For unto is a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (emphasis added)

Isaiah 9:6, NIV

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get back to why I started writing this post.

My husband’s description of the desire to feel the energy in the room; to feel as though you are a part of something bigger, got me thinking.  What if we truly longed for and felt that same energy in relation to hearing the voice of God?

What if walking into church on a Sunday morning you felt people fired up to make and see change happen in the world?

What if when you prayed at dinner or with your kids before bed you did not come with simply a list of requests or things you are thankful for, but an expectation to hear the voice of God and a desire to be a part of his movement?  What if you could live out this desire and pass it on to your children?

What if when you sat down to read your Bible you were not just completing a step in the “good Christian life” or seeking out an opportunity to personally grow, but actually seeking out the words of the greatest leader in history, with a desire to be a part of his agenda?

I am not saying that these things never happen within the church and among Christians, and I realize that going to hear the president of the United States of American speak can be a novel and exciting event.  But I know that in the day to day I tend to lose sight of the novel and exciting things that God is doing  and can do in my life and around the world.  It makes me wonder…

What if my life, as a Christian, was more energized and less cloistered?

This morning was a rare morning - the kind where I woke up before the boys without an alarm reminding me that, if I wanted a shower, my day needed to start before theirs; the kind where I got a few precious moments to sit, relax, and reflect.  God used this lovely Valentine's Day morning to remind me to pray for my sons; to remind me how precious and innocent they are right now (sometimes it's easier to see it when they are fast asleep) and how much I hope for them to stay this way as long as possible.

Today I pray...

That they will personally know the love of their Heavenly Father who will never leave them nor forsake them.

That they will grow up as friends, supporters of one another, and confidants who spur one another on to good deeds.

That they will be men of strength and integrity who are humble enough to admit their weaknesses.

That they will live lives of passion and adventure.

That they will not let fear keep them from being whoever God has called them to be.

And that they too will believe in the power of prayer.

Happy Valentine's Day boys!

I love you.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's fee listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparation that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, 'Lord , don't you care that my sister had left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!'

'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one.  Mary has choisen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'  Luke 10:38-42

Oh Martha, I feel for you.  I am so much like you.  I get caught up in the tasks on my to-do list and lose sight of the other things that are so much more important.  I like to blame it on being an introvert or call my personality “task-oriented,” but the truth is that I simply have my priorities out of whack much of the time. 

My husband, on the other hand, has the uncanny ability to stop, slow down, forget about all the stuff on the to-do list, and prioritize what is most important in the moment.  He knows how to put people first.  He knows how to stop and just love those around him.  Frankly sometimes it gets on my nerves as I am running around in a frantic state trying to get everything done and being overcome by my perfectionist tendencies rather than overcome with the love of Christ for his creation.  In these moments I tend to share those not so polite words with him rather than reflecting on his ability to stop and be like Mary.  

Sorry, babe.

Being a mom has helped me with this some.  As I watch my boys grow up I realize how quickly time goes by and how important it is to savor every moment.  Suddenly Josiah is 5 months old and growing more and more mobile.  Suddenly Eli is truly becoming a little boy and understanding more and more of what I am saying and actually beginning to have conversations with me.  Where did the time go?  There are so many important lessons I want to teach them.  One of the big ones is to be like Mary – to let go of all that “needs” to be done and prioritize loving Christ and the world that he created.  In order to teach this lesson I am going to have to start with changing myself and the way that I prioritize.  I want my sons to see me reflect this love to them and all of the other people we come in contact with on a daily basis.

I am Martha, but this year I want to work on being more like Mary.

While we were in Texas for the Christmas holiday Dave and I had the privilege of attending my grandparents' church.  We sat in on one of the Sunday school classes before the service and were surrounded by many of the typical characters.  There was the guy in the front row who basically answered “Jesus” to every question.  The guy somewhere in the middle of the room with long rambling answers that started on the right topic and then went off on a seemingly unrelated tangent.  And then there was the class clown in the back row who went off on tangents of his own, randomly started singing the Texas A&M fight song, and did his best to make everyone laugh.  The girl sitting next to him kept a pleasant smile on her face and periodically elbowed him when his remarks got too out of hand.

Sound familiar?

The only difference is that this was not a group of preteens, but the oldest Sunday school class of the church.  Dave and I were the youngest in the group by around 50 years.  And the class clown in the back…yeah, he’s my grandfather.  The girl next to him is my grandmother, and after 64 years of marriage she knows his ways all too well.  She elbowed me a couple of times as well, so that I would stifle my laughter over his off the wall remarks and the pastor’s attempt to wrangle him back onto topic as he taught the class.  I have a lot of respect for that pastor.  His previous 10 years as a youth pastor are being put to good use with his new 80 year old pupils.

My grandfather, Popoo, the class clown

Despite the humor in the situation what was also impressed upon me during that Sunday school hour was the amount of life still left in this aging group of churchgoers and the amount of history they share both individually and collectively.   Individually they have vast amounts of life experience to share and collectively they have experienced many ups and downs as they have lived out life together.  My grandparents have attended that same church for around 50 years, my parents and both of my mothers’ siblings were married in its sanctuary, and more than one individual informed me that they remembered holding me as a baby.  Lives have been lived out at this church by the people in that room full of legacy.

While Dave and I were in Texas both my Dad’s parents and my Mom’s parents also shared with us many stories of their lives.  A number of them I had heard many times before, but a few new ones were thrown in as well.  I wanted to sit there and soak in all the stories.  Life is short - at this point I can never be sure that I will get to hear these testimonies of lives richly lived again.  I want to be able to pass these legacies down to my children, who at 2 years and 5 months old may have only limited memories of their great grandparents.  These are the moments when I question our choice to live in a foreign country so far away from family.

My favorite story of legacy is one that my Mom’s father tells often.  His parents were immigrants to from Greece (well, actually they came directly from Turkey, but that’s another story).  They came to the United States speaking no English and moved to the tiny town of Vernon, Texas.  They did not attend church in Vernon because there was not a Greek Orthodox Church in their town.  Then one day a neighbor showed up at their door and invited to take the family to church and the children to Sunday school the following Sunday.  They agreed and never stopped going.  Because of that woman my grandfather became a Christian and passed his faith along to his children who in turn passed their faith along to their children.  I am a part of that friendly neighbor woman’s legacy.   I wish she knew the rich history she shares with my family.

All of this makes me think about my own life.  At this point I’m pretty sure that I have many years ahead of me.  What kind of legacy will I leave for my children and the people around me?  What kind of stories and experiences will I be able to share 50 years from now?

I have never been one to make new years’ resolutions, but as this new year begins I want to work on being intentional about the way my legacy develops.

Over the years I have had a lot of random jobs.  Seriously, check out this list:

1. Silk cutter and reed box assembler for a woodwind instrument supply company
2. Lifeguard
3. Packer for a moving company
4. Elementary and middle school substitute teacher
5. Waitress
6. College cafeteria dish room worker
7. Sales associate at a Pfaltzgraff outlet
8. Church equipping ministries intern
9. Teaching assistant for an elementary school reading program
10. Administrative assistant for a beverage magazine
11. Human Resourses representative at Bloomingdales and Morgan Stanley
12. College career counselor
13. Front desk assistant at a pediatric office

And now I will be adding to that list preschool ESL (English as a Second Language) instructor in Mexico City.  I certainly never would have guessed when I graduated with a bachelors degree in Psychology and masters degree in College Counseling that I would end up here, but the opportunity to work at my son's preschool a few hours a week kind of got thrown in my lap.  

To tell you the truth I'm a bit nervous about it.  It's not that I'm intimidated by preschoolers.  And yes, I certainly know how to speak English, but teaching preschoolers it is not exactly my field.  Plus, for the first time I will be in a situation where communicating with my coworkers is going to be a serious challenge, as they only speak Spanish, and although my grasp of the language has certainly improved over the last year it is still definitely lacking.  Nonetheless, next week I'll be jumping in head first.  We'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, this song keeps running through my head:

Make the Most of Me - Marie Miller

On my own, I'm afraid to step out on the sea. 
All alone, no mountain will move for me. 
But you breathe your life into my soul. 
You take away the impossible. 

I can feel your mystery moving in my hands and feet 
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak. 
You make the most of me. You make the most of me. 

With you here, I see sight return to the blind. 
When you're near, I can watch the dead come to life. 
You shine your light into our souls. 
You make all things possible. 

I can feel your mystery moving in my hands and feet 
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak. 
You make the most of me. You make the most of me. 

When I don't have the words, you will be my voice. 
When I don't understand, I will still rejoice. 
You make the most of me. You make the most of me. 

You make the most of me. You make the most of me. 

I can feel your mystery moving in my hands and feet 
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak. 
You make the most of me. You make the most of me. 

You make the most of me. You make the most of me.

And so, I keep praying that God makes the most of me in this situation and in general here in Mexico.  This was one of my biggest prayers before we even moved here - that somehow God would use me despite my inability to communicate.  In a very literal sense there are times when I don't have the words and I don't understand those around me.  Somehow, despite all that I'm hoping He works in me to not only teach and love these kids, but build some kind of relationship with my coworkers, the parents of the other children, and others I come in contact with in my daily life here.

I'm praying He makes the most of the little I have to give.

Dear Eli,

Today is Mother's Day, well in the U.S. at least (we celebrated Dia de la Madre on Thursday here in Mexico). Today I get to celebrate because God graced me with the special blessing of having you in my life. For that I am incredibly thankful. Sometimes I think that you make being a Mom easier than it is supposed to be. And at times you try my patience, but these are far outweighed by the times you make me smile. You are an amazingly happy child with an incredible zest for life. I pray that you keep these qualities throughout your life.

I pray for you often, but in truth I spend more time praying for me. I pray that I will be a good mother to you, that I will have patience, wisdom, and dedication in teaching you the many lessons you have yet to learn in life. I pray that I will be a Godly example to you and the sibling you will meet at the end of the summer (I realize that you have not grasped that he or she is coming - it's going to be the biggest surprise of your little life so far!). I pray that in my life I will be able to give you a small example of the grace and unconditional love your Heavenly Father will bestow on you throughout your life. I pray that I will be quick to listen, slow to speak,and slow to anger throughout my life, but particularly in your presence. But the most important prayer is one that I began to pray before you were born and continue to pray. I pray that you will have a personal, life changing relationship with your Father in Heaven - that He will be the one you lean on when Daddy and I and others in your life fail to set the example we should. This is the greatest gift you could ever receive and one I long so deeply for you to accept from an early age.

You are a gift from God, my precious son. You have been in my life for only a short period of time, but I cannot imagine what it would be like without you now. I am so thankful that I get to be your mother.

I love you,
Mommy

"Like newborn infants long for pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation - if indeed you have tested that the Lord is good."
1 Peter 2:2-3

I keep wanting to say that I'm all grown up. I have a bachelors degree and a masters degree. I've been married for going on 7 years. We own a home. I have a son and another baby on the way. But none of these things make me grown.

I cringe when older individuals still talk to me like I'm a child (I look younger than I am, so it happens more than I would like). But the truth is many of these people have many years of knowledge and spiritual growth ahead of me. Despite all of this, as Christians, we're all still growing into our salvation. I believe that's a big part of why everyone who is living on this earth is still here. We're still growing, still learning, and still in need of spiritual milk.

When I was breastfeeding Eli I saw his longing and need for milk (and the kid still has a little bit of milk obsession). It's an amazing feeling to know that you are the only one who can provide that kind of nourishment for your child. As much as I was ready for Eli to be weaned after a year, there is a growing longing in me to have those same precious moments with my next child.

Teach me, God. Teach me to long for you in the same way a newborn child longs for milk. Teach me to understand that I need you and your Fatherly guidance just as much now as I did as a child. I need to keep growing. I need to keep maturing. It's a lifelong process. Thank you for your willingness, Lord, to patiently walk with me every step of the way. Thank you for loving me even when I act as a stubborn, ungrateful child.

Right now I feel completely caught up between my desires for adventure and "normal."  Living in Mexico is an adventure.  It's new.  It's different.  I get to try new foods (one of my great loves in life).  I get  to see new things - where in the U.S. am I going to go visit pyramids, see Myan murals, or visit entire towns dedicated to making pottery?

Here life is new and challenging on an almost daily basis.  That's the problem, though.  I'm not sure that I like being challenged that often.  Sometimes instead of all the wonderful Mexican street food I just want to go through the drive through at Taco Bell (it is its own genre of food - certainly not Mexican).  Sometimes I just want to go to Target and wander the aisles for an hour - searching out the hidden sale sections and contemplating the purchase of new beauty products.  These things were part of my normal before I moved here.  Yes, they are mundane.  No, they are not normal for much of the world's population.  But there's a certain comfort in them for me.  That comfort seems to be at war with my desire for adventure and challenge.  

Is one better than the other?  Not necessarily.

If I run away from this adventure too soon will I regret it later in life?
Quite possibly.

This is the dilemma that runs through my head over and over again - day in and day out.  Our first year in Mexico will be over before we know it.  We're definitely committed to one more year and then the question is, "what next?".  

Do we stick it out here a couple more years?  Financially this may be the best option.

Do we run off to some other exotic locale to keep the adventure going?

Or do we head back to U.S.; to comfort; to "normal"? 

I don't know the answer to these questions at this point.

I don't know what God has in store for us.

I just know that I have to keep trusting day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

"Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to the tomb. And behold there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here for he has risen, as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.""

Matthew 28:1-6

Amidst the eggs, bunnies, chicks, and time with family and friends, don't forget to celebrate the risen Christ today!

I’m not a runner.  I never have been.  Friends tell me they are training for a half-marathon or that competing in a triathlon is on their bucket list.  I smile and give them an encouraging “you can do it” or “good for you.”  Inside I’m thinking “why do that to yourself?”  I have a list of my own, but nowhere on there will you find anything having to do with running.  Sure, I have my brief fantasies about enjoying a good run - the sun on my face, the wind at my back, the exhilaration of endorphins surging, and a powerful feeling of strength in my legs, but these are only brief flights of my imagination. 

However, God had put a little kink in my plan to continue to avoid running.  I was reading Hebrews 12:1 (ESV):

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every single weight, and the sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us”.

I’ve read this verse many times before.  It’s a favorite of youth group and Bible study leaders (I’ve been among them).  This time I was particularly struck by the phrase “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”  Currently my race includes adapting to a new culture and country and learning to be a stay-at-home-mom, but I’ll be honest, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it as my husband’s race.  We moved here for his teaching job, his vision of furthering his career, his dream of learning Spanish to better reach the growing Hispanic population, which is largely underserved by the American education system, and because of his adventurous spirit that longed to try out living abroad.  I was just along for the ride; part of the family and support system.  But the truth is that this is my race, a race that has been specifically set in front of me, not by default, but by design.  Furthermore, I am called to run it with endurance; to set aside everything weighing me down in this world and give it all I’ve got.  God put me right where I am, right now, for a reason.  His timing is perfect.

He has an overarching design that has been purposely put into place.  I’m simply called to trust.  I’m called to live by faith.  Despite my questions of my purpose in this current location, despite my doubts, and despite my whining nature I’m called to live in complete faith that this is his plan.  My race is in his hands.  I don’t have to see the finish line in order to run, I simply have to run and keep trusting.